Ever since Megan Thee Stallion announced that NBA star Klay Thompson cheated on her and that she was ending their relationship, people have had plenty of theories about where things went wrong. Some questioned why she would share her heartbreak publicly, while others claimed the issue was making the relationship so public in the first place. You know the refrain: don’t post a man until you get a ring, or ‘You won’t know I have a man until I’m married!” And so on, and so forth. Some argued she should have kept things private, especially considering the public nature of her previous relationships.

But who are folks kidding? As a public figure, Megan doesn’t really have the luxury of moving in silence. People are always watching. And when you’re happy, why should you have to hide it?

My real concern, however, is not making joy public. Rather, it’s women performing acts people often associate with marriage without that level of commitment, which leads to even deeper heartbreak.

And I know, I know. People have playing spouse without shared commitment? Should you be deeply embedded in family dynamics before the relationship has the solid foundation it needs? That’s where things can get murky.

A similar conversation came up this season on Married to Medicine with Quad Webb and her partner Kirk King. In previous seasons, they exchanged extravagant gifts, openly discussed their intimacy and how many times they were having sex in a week, and even started the process of trying to have a child together. They did all this without talk of an engagement or marriage, which their co-stars called out. They seemed to stand firm against those questions. But by the end of this season, tensions around IVF and deeper incompatibilities surfaced, and their time playing house grew sour. They weren’t united enough to endure the cost of the process (financially and emotionally). The relationship ended.

For all the criticism people have of marriage, many still operate with the expectations and emotional weight of that commitment in mind. Instead of allowing the dating stage to be about learning one another through good seasons and hard ones, some people rush in with great hopes, future talk, and spouse-level effort before trust and reciprocity are truly established. When things get hard, the outcome seems easier to come to because there’s nothing truly holding you in that relationship.

So when it ends, and one person realizes they gave far more than they received, there’s an added feeling of betrayal. Again, the heartbreak cuts deeper.

This situation is a reminder that we should be mindful of how much of ourselves we pour into someone before commitment is clear and consistent. We shouldn’t be Suzie Homemaker, performing for family members, or treating a dress rehearsal like the real thing in hopes it brings us to that happily ever after we envision.

Despite your best efforts, you can’t force someone into faithfulness or readiness. But you can move with clear eyes instead of rose-colored glasses, and better recognize when it’s time to nurture, and when it’s time to pay attention to the red flags.

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