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    In modern dating, situationships are everywhere. People are hooking up, talking every day, even building routines together, but if you ask if they are in a relationship, the answer is no.

    Dating didn’t always look like this.

    It used to be: you meet outside in real life, he approaches and asks for your number, you go on a few dates, and he asks you to be his girlfriend. A few years later, or maybe just a year if you’re lucky, he asks you to be his wife, and you get married.

    Now?

    You meet online, exchange numbers, get asked to Netflix & chill, and end up in a sexual connection that can last for months with no real rules, boundaries, or clarity. If you have been talking for months with no progression, you’re not building a relationship. You’re maintaining access.

    Part of the shift is cultural. Honestly, I blame the music (and I am only half joking). We’re missing vulnerability in R&B. Music from the 90s and 2000s gave us men who expressed pursuit, yearning, devotion, even apology. Women weren’t afraid to admit they were “so gone” or “weak in the knees.” There was emotional honesty.

    Today, everyone is so nonchalant. No one wants to look “thirsty.” And in that shift, we’ve started rewarding emotional detachment over emotional intention. It shows up in the language too. We don’t “court” anymore, we “talk.” We don’t “pursue,” we “shoot a text and see what happens.” Even the words we use have gotten smaller, lower stakes, and easier to walk away from without consequence. And when the language shrinks, so does the expectation.

    So where is the romance? Where is the wining and dining? Who is applying pressure and saying, “I want you!”?

    Social media certainly doesn’t help. We’re constantly fed the idea that someone better, hotter, or more available is one swipe away—on the apps and in DMs. So why commit to clarity when ambiguity keeps your options open? But options without intention are just noise. A full inbox isn’t the same as a full heart.

    Maybe modern dating doesn’t need more options; maybe it needs more courage. Courage to be vulnerable. Courage to pursue intentionally. The courage to say, “I want a relationship with you” without pretending to be unbothered or nonchalant.

    Because love cannot thrive in ambiguity, and indecision is still a decision.

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